Whether it be online, on a dance floor at a party or merely an exchange of glances between two strangers on a busy high street; I think it's safe to say that at some point each of us has engaged in a little flirtatious activity. Harmless flirting... Nothing wrong with that... But is there really such a thing as harmless flirting and at what point does flirting become unacceptable?
Some might argue that flirting causes no immediate problems in happy, healthy relationships that are built upon trust. My sister's long-term boyfriend has often been known to leave my sister in the company of flirtatious men for his own amusement. He trusts her implicitly and knows she would never act upon such advances. Others might insist that anyone in a happy and healthy relationship should not feel the need to look beyond that relationship, as they should be totally fulfilled by the person they are with; and to some extent, I agree.
Once upon a time, I was in a relationship where any attempt to flirt would have been met with consequences, so it was easier not to. That was until Alex, (not his real name) came along.
I had been with my then boyfriend for around 5 years, we met at a young age. Alex was a friend of a collegue, who regularly visited my place of work. He was gorgeous and showed me the kind of attention I had not recieved in a long while. We instantly connected. I fancied him something rotten and our chemistry quickly became apparent to others. We innocently flirted for around 3 months, until he decided he wanted to take it further. The fact that I was in a relationship meant I had to draw the line. At the time I loved my boyfriend and it would have been over between us had he found out. I still think about Alex from time to time, even though nothing ever happened between us.
Today, my new partner is somewhat different. We both agree that flirting is ok, as long as neither of us oversteps the mark... But what if one half of a couple is excessively flirty, while the other isn't? Can it take its toll on a relationship?
Should a flirt be more sympathetic to his/hers partner's feelings and stop if it starts to cause heartache? There is nothing wrong with being intrigued by people you find attractive surely? After all, we are human. However, if it causes upset, should a person have to put up with it? There's a time and a place for everything. If flirting translates as an exchange of glances or a few words laced with innuendo, then that can't be classed as cheating, can it? At the end of the day, the flirt is still going home to his/her partner at night and no deceit has been committed.
Let's look at it from another perspective.
What if the actions of a serial flirt begin to have a profoundly negative effect on his/her partner's self esteem, instilling a feeling that they are never quite enough for their partner? Imagine that person feels they are never attractive or slim enough. What if it makes them feel they no longer satisfy their partner and they fear that their partner will be unfaithful. Would it be justifiable for the partner of a flirt to express their unease towards their lovers' behaviour, without being branded as possessive, jealous or clingy? Or in the worse-case scenario, when should the partner call time and walk away? I also raise the question, if the person doing the flirting is in a supposedly 'loving relationship' then how would they feel if the tables were turned?
A friend of mine is in long term relationship with a serial flirt. She tells me they are very happy. Her boyfriend, on many an occasion has been spotted out and about flirting with anyone who will allow him to lavish himself upon them. He often appears in photographs on social media sites, draped over gorgeous women and thinks that this is acceptable behaviour. However, evidentily for my friend, (who is drop dead gorgeous might I add) the rules change somewhat on her nights out. The minute her partner sees her chatting or even glancing in the direction of another man, she is more often than not ushered out of the bar/club she is in. Her unnecesarily possessive boyfriend can normally be found lurking in the background waiting to pounce.
The words 'Double' and 'Standards' spring to mind.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander, especially as said friend has always tolerated her boyfriend's flirtatious ways and has never once been tempted to stray.
Lets take a look at sexting:
Two people sharing a sexual fantasy or scenario via messaging/email, who in many instances never meet. It may be said that if sexting is used to complement a mundane relationship, then it could also be deemed acceptable.
Here's an example:
Mr and Mrs X have been married for several years. They love each other dearly. Unfortunately, their once vibrant and exciting sex life has fallen by the wayside due to the humdrum routines of daily life.
Mr X has started chatting to someone on Twitter. Her AVI intrigues him. A picture of stocking clad legs is all he has to go on, that and her online banter.
They make a connection and before long they have exchanged DMs.
Mr X doesn't disclose the fact that he is married.
Their banter becomes more flirtatious. Before they know it, their words have become more teasing, as they start to express their lust for one another.
They are effectively sexting.
Although Mr X really has no idea who he is talking dirty to on the other end of the DM, he continues to engage her, sharing with her his most intimate fantasies. It becomes an addiction.
He describes in great detail things he would love to do to her. In return she tells him in depth how she would reciprocate. This is a huge ego boost for him. He can't remember the last time he and Mrs X shared this kind of intimacy.
He feels that as he is doing it from the comfort of his living room as Mrs X watches Eastenders, he is not technically cheating. Deep down inside he knows that Mrs X would be heartbroken should she find out what he is up to. He deletes all messages.
Mrs X remains oblivious to her husband's shenanigans for now at least, as she gets lost in the latest plotline of the soap opera.
One thing she has noticed, is that her husband has started to be a lot more attentive in the bedroom. She likes it. It makes her feel good knowing that he is still attracted to her. He makes love to her much more passionately these days.
Little does she know, all the while he is visualising fucking the stranger who has given him many an erection through words alone.
Flirting can either make or destroy a relationship depending on the kind of relationship you have... So while flirting can be just harmless fun, be mindful of your partners feelings and make sure you are not jeopardising a great relationship to get your kicks!
I'd love to hear your views on flirting, either at @badangel74 or
iamangelgonebad@gmail.com
See ya soon sexies xXx
